Impatient November 4, 2008

I totally want it to be tomorrow already.  It seems as though this election has been going on for eons.  I recognize that this is due, in part, to the Democratic Primary being so contentious; but this is also due to this day has been centuries in the making.  It has also brought to light just how racist this country is.  McCain Palin rallies were only missing burning crosses, and at least one came with its own massa loving negro.  It also demonstrated crabs in a barrel syndrome.  The gall of Jesse Jackson to state that he wanted to exact as vicious an act as cutting off Obama’s testicles (which, for those of you that do not know, is also an activity that took place in lynchings), well, to call it inexcusable would be a disservice.

So, no matter the outcome of this race (GO OBAMA!), we need to come to come to terms with issues about race, and dispel some myths.

Not every Middle-Eastern Muslim is a terrorist and/or extremist. Whenever America is at war with another nation, that race of people is only next in line to Beelzebub when it comes to horrible souls.  Have you ever seen a World War II era Bugs Bunny commercial?  Well, they’re so racist and offensive, they don’t even show them on television anymore.  Mel Blanc was fucking OVER the Japanese.  Before you get the idea that Muslims have the monopoly on heinous acts, consider the “Good Christians” that bomb abortion clinics?  Are you telling me this is not a terrorist activity?  Or, for shits and giggles, consider looking up the Crusades and learning where the term “get medival on that ass” came from.  People use religion as a cover to do some fucked up stuff, but that doesn’t mean that every person that subscribes to that religious ideology is a nutjob.

We ain’t the same. But that doesn’t mean we can’t get along.  There are things about being white that I will never understand.  There are things about being Asian that I will never understand.  However, if we stop acting as though we know what another race’s problem is, or we know what they’re dealing with, it can really do much to ease relations.  Be who you are, without being a douchebag.  You’ve never walked in my shoes, so don’t try to tell me about my instep.  There’s nothing wrong with admitting that you don’t know or understand something, and that you want to learn where the other person is coming from.

Racism against blacks STILL EXISTS. Yes, slavery is over.  Yes, great strides have been made.  But there are so many more strides that need to be made.  I may have mentioned this before, but I once had a conversation with a coworker, about some flagrant shit that was going on with my son at school.  She said, “Oh my god, that sounds like discrimiation.  People still do that?”  In what states of America does she live?

Being an Arab is not illegal.  When the shit did this become a big deal?  I mean, I know…but still?  After Palin started getting her KKK on, and shit got totally out the box for McCain (and I do not see him as an innocent victim of his overzealous supporters), he had an exchange with a woman who said, “Well, I heard he was an Arab?”  If he was, SO THE FUCK WHAT??  When did this become a capital offense?  And did McCain dismiss this statement as ludicrous based on his race being a non issue?  No, he treated that assertion as though she said Obama fucks baby seals in the eye sockets on Saturdays and feasts on the tears of orphans.  Is it okay to be racist against Arabs?  Get the fuck out.

I can not reiterate enough, an Obama election is a tremendous step.  But my friends, it is NOT the journey.

CNN…AIN’T GOT SHIT…ON ME! November 3, 2008

So we’re almost there.  The day that will have the entire world looking at the United States.  So let’s chat a bit lambs.

There are a whole lot of people that subscribe to this, “I’d like a president that I can have a beer with,” jazz.  *Family Feud buzzer*  Who wants this shit?  First of all, that statement ends in a preposition, so you’re fucking up out the gate.  But let’s not get hung up on minutiae.  I got problems yall.  If I wake up late and Pootie Tang is on, I’m watching it.  EVERY.  TIME.  I listen to Lil Wayne.  I was married to a guy that ate raw pasta.  I could go down a laundry list of shit that will let you know I shouldn’t even be able to relate to my garbage man.  It was said that this country celebrates the average, and it’s sadly true.  I respect humility as much as the next person (maybe even more than some), however, as a leader, someone should be able to stand up and say, “Uh…you know you done fucked up right?”

Enough with Joe the Plumber:  I first indict him for looking like a generalized douchebag that part times at Razzoo’s as a murderer bouncer.  But aesthetics aside, not only would dude benefit from Obama’s proposed tax plan (which is supposedly his rationale behind supporting McCain), but dude isn’t even a licensed plumber.  And the cherry on this shit sundae is that dude OWES $1200 in unpaid taxes.  Maybe if he watched more Boondocks and less Fox News, he would have known how unwise it is to show up on television when you owe folks money.  In the hood, if you owe a muhfukka $20.00, you better stay inside ’til your next payday.

Every time Sarah Palin speaks in public, Hanna Montana gets a money shot in the eye from the underwear model.  (I’m not sure that’s true, but I have seen nothing to disprove this theory.)  Am I the only one that finds it ironic that she criticizes Obama for his loose association with Ayers, and yet she hasn’t looked at her own running mate sideways for choosing a broad that doesn’t read and is obviously nutty as squirrel poop.  What?  You think she don’t know she’s crazy?

There is evidently a flyer going around saying that one party votes on the 4th and the other on the 5th.  Now, though I think this is positively deplorable, we do not live in the age of stage coaches and snail mail.  As annoying as 24 hour news is, damn near every station has some sort of countdown in effect.  Secondly, in my 31 years on this earth, “Election Day” has been the first Tuesday in November.  As a matter of fact, if you went to school, you got election day off, because, often, people were getting their vote on at your school.  So, to that I say, don’t be a dumbass.

And now ladies and gentlemens, I’m going to complete what Joe Biden couldn’t say after his “Obama will be tested” statement:

Look, I’m white, I know how some of ya’ll do.  Just like you manufacture all sorts of other shit *cough* war on terror *cough*, you’re gonna try and get this dude in some bullshit.  Just like yall like to hand the losing team to a black man, you’re handing this shit sandwich of a country to this dude and you’re gonna fuck with him.”

I’m sure that, were he allowed, he would address the fact that he has a 6 foot tall adoring wife that probably fights with her thumbs out.