In actuality, it’s one cricket…and he’s lonely. I don’t care for bugs at all. They creep; they crawl; they wedge themselves in places they ought not. Of course, every bug has its place in the ecosystem [what is the purpose of roaches?], but they can really cramp my style. Once one of my W.I. homeboys and I were hanging out, and I saw the most humongous spider in my doorway. Okay, maybe it was not that humongonous, but it was blocking my way to the outiside world, so from my perspective, it looked like this. I was about to let him have it, when my homeboy told me about how it was bad luck to kill spiders in doorways because they keep something out/in. For some reason, i feel like the same thing would apply to crickets. I feel if there’s some karmic protection over spiders in doorways, the musical cricket should be afforded some type of courtesy in a shower. But if he doesn’t stop playing Queen’s “Somebody to Love” on his cricket legs, he’s going to meet an untimely demise.
This is totally random, but do you know that folks at the Burger King drive in get HIGHLY offended if your order “chicken nuggets?” I mean, you say the word “nuggets,” and they totally lose their shit. It was late, and all I wanted was some food for Finge and the Bug. I wasn’t a complete douche. I didn’t order MCnuggets. Just nuggets. I don’t think McDonald’s owns the word “nugget.” Doesn’t Tyson’s chicken call their stuffl nuggets? In any event, on this particular day, I happened to get a company ho, who got mad belligerent and said, “Uh, we don’t carry nuggets here. We have tenders.” Now, since I don’t want my kids getting pubes in their Kids’ Meals and shit (I neglected to mention that I also feel I should get cool points for not calling it a Happy Meal), I didn’t say what was on my mind:
If you don’t get your nickel-95 ass in that kitchen and get my children whatever the fuck it is you call those already masticated and reconfigured poultry chunks, Imma dive on you, then tapdance over your fallen form wearing two Happy Meal boxes.
But I chilled. I don’t always like being a grown up.