Jitters

I stood in line, chattering with my friend, my stomach nervously fluttering for what I was about to do.

When it was my turn, I barely squeaked out, “I’d like a money order for $20.00 please.”

I returned to my desk, and filled out the money order, as well as the certified mail receipt.  My hand trembled the entire time.  I wanted to make sure that I’d written everything down perfectly.  I did.  I sealed the envelope, and along with it, the path to my destiny.

I have officially entered my first writing contest.

Of course, I can’t say that I will win, but in my heart, this contest is mine.  Even if I don’t win (a possibility that I consider, but only dismissively), this is my step to putting myself out there in the view of all and sundry.  In a way, it’s not even about the win.  It’s about the guts to go for what I want and make it known that I want it.

Before I knew I was pretty, before I knew I would be a mother, before I knew that I would eventually be motherless, before I knew pretty much anything about myself – I knew I would be a writer.  It’s my activity for all occasions – be they happy, sad, or anything in between.  If I wake up in the middle of the night and can’t get back to sleep, I write until I do.  There have been times that I have dozed off writing or typing.

I know it probably doesn’t seem like a big thing to some, but for me, it’s a monumental step.  I’m very excited about this guys.