I have been slim on the posting for the last two days. Tuesday I wrote and didn’t post. Yesterday, I didn’t write at all. I was a little blue. Blue enough that I didn’t even feel like writing or fighting through it. But don’t cry for me, Argentina. There’s a time and place for everything, and that includes being a little blue. Sometimes, you have to just let it have its time, and get out of your system.
So today, I woke up a little bit better. A little more smiley. I still didn’t feel like putting makeup on though. Sometimes, I have to put that diva shit on PAUSE. No one turned to stone, and I still smell nice, so I think I can put that in the “W” column.
Have any of you seen that Ikea commercial with the black lady that has the raspy voice? Who IS she?! If someone were to roll up on me with that voice, all uninvited and whatnot. For some reason, she makes me think of Scatman Crothers in “The Shining.” Just a creepy quality that I can’t quite put my finger on.
I have an unreasonable crush on T.I. To the point that I can’t guarantee that I would not throw my underwear at him should we meet. He’s got this song called “Porn Star” and…you know what? Next topic.
So, how bout them Saints? Why the fuck are we playing injured kickers during CRUCIAL field goal attempts. How the fuck did we lose to Minnesota in the ‘Dome. If some New Orleanian non-Saints lover talks shit on this topic, I will hunt you down and do unspeakable things to you.
Who watched South Park last night? I can’t wait to use the term “dick shooter” in conversation. I haven’t even decided its context. I just know that it must be done.
Am I the only one that was waiting for McCain to keel over during Tuesday night’s debate? I just remember thinking, “I’m missing frigging SVU for this?!”
When people say, “Ugh, I don’t even watch TV anymore,” in that self satisfied way, am I the only person that wants to punch them in the balls? Or the boob? There’s nothing cool about you. In my mind, you smell poorly, because you haven’t watched commercials, so you don’t know what great strides science has made in wetness and odor protection. You and your 1987 Speed Stick. I bite my thumb at you.
In closing, I would like to quote the great WASP philosopher, Peter Griffin, “Ladies and Gentlemen: Testicles. That is all.”
*Let’s pray that I have something more substantive to discuss tomorrow.