“Spaceships don’t come equipped with rearview mirrors”

I’ve been pondering the meaning of the dream I shared in a recent post.  In my heart, I know that there’s happiness in my future.  However, that can’t take place without me being happy in my present.  And I can’t do that, without letting go of my past.  In order to effect that, I have to continue to be me, but different.  Better.  I look at it like I’m editing my horoscope.

Today, I made the determination to give EVERYONE a clean slate.  This does not mean that my thoughts will not be guided by knowledge and wisdom, but I can’t hold onto it anymore.

Another promise I have made to myself is to stop looking at being a single parent as an obstacle I have to overcome.  I AM a single parent.  I can’t “overcome” my existence.  I think they call that, uh, death?  Plus, I still baby my kids to an extent, but they are NOT babies.  Finge is almost 10, and ‘Bug will be eight in less than 6 months. The vision really needs to be so much bigger at this stage in the game.

I was in the store yesterday, and I saw a black family.  I don’t just mean “Check race:  black.”  I mean, I stood next to three of the most melanin rich people I had ever seen.  A mother, with her son and daughter.  They were so beautiful, I found myself staring.  Their skin was deeper than the darkest wood or the richest chocolate.  The little boy had eyelashes like Finge.  The girl was at once gangly and graceful like ‘Bug.  The mother seemed tired as hell, like me.  They were both fighting.  I stood there, transfixed thinking to myself, “I want to go to a place where people are just like me, except everyone’s skin is deeper than the darkest wood and the richest chocolate.”  And you know what myself said?

“Why not?”


Early Morning Meanderings

For the second day in a row, I woke up too early.  This morning, at least, I made it to almost 5 am.  I’m also battling a cold.  Yaaaaaaaaay insomnia and snot!!  *blank stare*

I moan in my sleep.  I’ve been told that they noise occasionally borders on the obscene.  I wonder what other sounds I make?  More importantly, do I fart in my sleep?  This may seem unimportant to some, but I’m all for handing out the caveats, ya know?  “Dude, I’m pretty kick ass, but after lights out, I can blow the sheets to the roof.”  Don’t know how well that would go over.

There’s this iced tea that I’ve only had in Shreveport, LA named Red Diamond.  Would driving to Louisiana for tea be unreasonable?

i have SOOOOO fallen off the diet/exercise wagon.  GRRRR.  Probably should have spent this early morning blogging time packing my gym bag, right?  Yeah…

Can I just break in and say OMG! so much SNOT!

Am I the only person that cries at the end of every episode of “Cold Case Files?”  EVERY episode.  Isn’t this show meant for people that are like, a hundred?  I’m not so sure this is good for them.

Six times in the last 24 hours, I’ve felt the need to say, “You REALLY need to ge that bitch up out you.”

Last night, I was talking to one of my girlfriends who accompanied me on the cruise (OMG she has the best gossip!) and we were laughing about all of our misadvantures.  We’ve known each other for well over 25 years.  One day, I’ll have to share with you the tale of the girls’ night out when the toothless man took off his wedding ring for me and gave me $3 to buy a drink.  Really.  And I worry about being single.  Silly girl. *blank stare again*

Sunny side up eggs.  Who eats them?  I ALWAYS see them advertised on TV, but I’ve been to Silver Diner, Kettle, Waffle House, IHOP, Denny’s AND Shoney’s, and I have never ONCE seen a plate of sunny side up eggs.  Not once.  Not in my party.  Not in the restaurant.  Lame.

There’s still a lot of snot going on here.