“Spaceships don’t come equipped with rearview mirrors”

I’ve been pondering the meaning of the dream I shared in a recent post.  In my heart, I know that there’s happiness in my future.  However, that can’t take place without me being happy in my present.  And I can’t do that, without letting go of my past.  In order to effect that, I have to continue to be me, but different.  Better.  I look at it like I’m editing my horoscope.

Today, I made the determination to give EVERYONE a clean slate.  This does not mean that my thoughts will not be guided by knowledge and wisdom, but I can’t hold onto it anymore.

Another promise I have made to myself is to stop looking at being a single parent as an obstacle I have to overcome.  I AM a single parent.  I can’t “overcome” my existence.  I think they call that, uh, death?  Plus, I still baby my kids to an extent, but they are NOT babies.  Finge is almost 10, and ‘Bug will be eight in less than 6 months. The vision really needs to be so much bigger at this stage in the game.

I was in the store yesterday, and I saw a black family.  I don’t just mean “Check race:  black.”  I mean, I stood next to three of the most melanin rich people I had ever seen.  A mother, with her son and daughter.  They were so beautiful, I found myself staring.  Their skin was deeper than the darkest wood or the richest chocolate.  The little boy had eyelashes like Finge.  The girl was at once gangly and graceful like ‘Bug.  The mother seemed tired as hell, like me.  They were both fighting.  I stood there, transfixed thinking to myself, “I want to go to a place where people are just like me, except everyone’s skin is deeper than the darkest wood and the richest chocolate.”  And you know what myself said?

“Why not?”


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