Flavor Flav and Beyonce: Harbingers of the Apocalypse?

Mental Pestilence

Flavor Flav had a dream.  A dream to remain relevant.  I imagine that when he consulted with others to bring that dream to fruition, he was hazy on the details.  But I imagine that however the conversation began, it ended with, “Oh yeah…and chlamydia, G!  Lots of chlamydia! ”  Hence, “Flavor of Love” was born.  Since it was a success, there were spinoffs, sequels, and copycats galore.  I mean, the shit has gotten so viral that the muhfukkas that were in a spinoff, got their OWN FUCKING SPINOFF?  Another spinoff cat is marrying an Oscar winner.  What part of the game is that?!  (And is the game that rough that Oscar winners are taking the sloppy seconds of someone whose vagina is essentially a living, breathing petri dish?)

It’s really got to stop somewhere.  Seriously.

Emotional War

That damned Beyonce knows how to go to the heart of the bitter woman, doesn’t she?  So first, she had all you chicks telling your men that he shouldn’t think he’s irreplaceable.  Fact check:  Beyonce is rich (and for the record, I’m more than sure that Jay-Z has put her through his own fair share of bullshit).  She has her own shit, so some dude all up in her shit and not breaking bread IS a dime a dozen.   You, my dear, are not Beyonce.  You and money are going half on the bills and the leased Pinto.  Or Nova.  Whatever.  Sit DOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWNNNNNNN.

Now she’s singing “If you liked it, then you should have put a ring on it.”  Now drunken angry bitches the world over are going to be shuffling on the dance floor dedicating this song to some troglodyte that they probably shouldn’t have even brushed up against in a crowded elevator, much less slept with (do people date anymore?), looking a hot ass mess.  Don’t let the smooth taste fool you ladies.  Beyonce doesn’t believe that shit. But she knows (or at least her PEOPLE know) that women are some bitter folks, and love songs ain’t really sellin’.  After she shot that video, she went home…to her man…the one with whom she split from and then returned to.  So before you parade your current temporary fuck in front of your last temporary fuck, you might want to marinate on that.

Thank you,



8 responses to “Flavor Flav and Beyonce: Harbingers of the Apocalypse?

  1. It IS hilarious that some cats from a spinoff of Flavor of Love get a spinoff of their own. What’s worse is despite the irony of the situation, I am among those who will be losing brain cells watching said buffoonery, week-to-week. LOL!

    You wanna know what’s really funny? These songs Beyonce writes about all of this female empowerment in her relationships and what-not….some of them, probably QUITE a few, are written by suspect men. YES…I’m talking ’bout Ne-yo! I don’t have anything against gay folks or Ne-yo; the brother makes BEAUTIFUL music…even when he’s dumbing down for mainstream audiences. I just find it HIGHLY ironic that some of the best love songs of this day and age that talk about love between straight folks are often penned and sometimes sung by suspect folk. R.I.P. Luthor Vandross.

  2. well, suspect or not, good music is good music. i don’t care if it’s written by the hermaphroditic cat in the hat.

    i DO, however, care about the drunken angry chick spilling her drink on me while yelling, “AWWWWWWW SHIT! that’s my SONG!” not celebrated.

  3. WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!! Just b/c you were never drawn into the poisonous lechery that was Flavor of Love…just b/c you never sat week-to-week wondering which woman would expose herself to the toxins released when kissing Stripe the Gremlin does NOT put you in a place higer on the evolutionary scale than me. Okay….maybe it does…but I’m still watching. I’ll just block the hadouken and sweep!

  4. au contraire. i HAVE watched it. i figured, “maybe i’m wrong. maybe it’s not as bad as i’m thinking. it can’t be.” it was. it was worse. don’t make me pull out my 9.

  5. At the risk of getting caught in the crossfire I have to say that I’ve been saying this shit since that stupid-assed ‘Can You Pay My Bills’ song. This chick is like the Pied Piper. I wonder how many broke chicks are running around both broke and alone because they’re foolish enough to attend the Church of Beyonce.

  6. Andre, my friend, there are MANY chicks STRUGGLING and ALONE b/c they attended the Church of Beyonce. My girl works at a fine jewelry retail store, and still laughs b/c Bey had chicks coming in there asking for V.V.S. cuff links like that was a namebrand. She’d then, laugh, explaining that V V S is a measure of clarity, meaning Very Very Slightly icluded, or very, very few flaws for the layman. Bey is RUINING it for some chicks while very happily enjoying Shawn Carter’s status and stacks.

    P.S. I really dig TI, but for real….can ANYBODY really have “Whatever You Like” in this damn economy? Maybe if their the CEO of Exxon or Lehman Bros….

  7. Pingback: The Seer « Wreckless Endangerment

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