I plan to take them, and go as high as they’ll take me for as long as life allows. I discovered that I always had the wings (some who know me would opine that to an extent, I’ve always used those wings). They were just so mired in self doubt, I limited where they carried me. “Does this one think I’m pretty enough?” “Will that one think I drink too much?” “Will this one accept this of me?” I’ll try to describe how I’ve felt since last Friday: Life is my purse, and there was a rip in the lining. I dug between the lining and the leather, and found a $20 bill. My meditation has helped me.
Ham Sa – I am that I am.
As of late, I’ve come to embrace the miraculousness of my flaws. It’s not that there are things I won’t correct, but I think I’m dealing with some lovely raw material. There’s something absolutely scrumptious about being free. LIke, your morning breath isn’t even so bad when you’re free.
I think I’ve spent a lot of time waiting to be acknowledged, validated, shit, even legitimized. In the end, who needs it? It’s not that I don’t need anybody. Every person that has walked through my life, for good or for bad, I hold them in a place of value, because there’s something I learned from each of them (even if it was to learn what not to do). But at the end, it comes down to me.
Of course, since I’m a single (and oh so vibrant) chick, it always comes down to relationships. When I picked up my kids, my sitter hoped that I was late because I was getting piped down (no such luck). In addition to the fact that I was sick beyond all definition, I practiced single girl’s birth control and didn’t bother shaving my legs that night.
My homeboy asked if I at least got some numbers, and again, I have to say the nay-no. Not because I wans’t looking good as all hell! I’m just not that chick. My homegirls, they get drinks from across the bar, and dudes pushing up on them for numbers. Me? Eh. It happens, but it doesn’t happen. I just don’t bring that out of dudes. However, just because I’m not the girl that would make you cross the room, I know for sure that I’m the type of girl that would make you wish you had. At this juncture, that’s good enough for me.
So my gift to myself, is me. Happy Birthday Mellie!