This morning, I checked my Yahoo mail account (I usually just check this once or twice a week). The home page has a bunch of little articles (I’m sure you’re familiar, but I’m just feeling chatty), and the one that caught my eye was “4 Questions to Never Ask Your Guy”. It goes without saying that I had a field day with what those four questions could be, but I wanted to see how things play out in date land. My first thought was, “Who are these women that ask these questions?!” Then I thought, “This is in desperate need of my commentary!” So, here goes:
1. “Am I better-looking/smarter/etc. than your ex?”
Who gives a steaming pile of caca? You are clearly SOMEHOW different from his ex, otherwise, you would be his ex too. Unless, of course, his ex held a propensity for asking stupid ass questions, NOW you’re going to be his ex too. There are certain things about a man’s past that are crucial to know. “Are you wanted by the law?” “Have you been tested for ‘the bonus’?” “How many times have you been married?” Shit like that is crucial because these things can feasibly affect your feature together. But you’ve got issues if you think he cares that the woman who set his shit on fire had bigger boobs than you. And if you ask a dude that THIS CHICK used to rock with, if I was smarter than you, then the answer is yes, because I’m smart enough to know that inane shit like that doesn’t matter.
2. “Do you love me?”
What? Okay, different people have different views about dropping the “L” word. Some people feel the guy should say it first. Some believe you should say it when you feel it, blah blah blah. I won’t get into all that. But I will tell you how a LOT of dudes let you know that they love you: they SAY it. If a guy hasn’t said it, it means that either he’s not sure, or he doesn’t feel it enough to take it there. Bottom line, dude isn’t ready. Do you like being backed into a corner for shit you ain’t ready for? Didn’t think so.
3. “Can you lend me some money?”
Again, who are these people? They spoke of substantial shit like down payments on cars and shit like that. (if you can’t afford the down payment, how are you going to pay the note? Moreso, how are you going to pay the note AND repay your loan?) I’m not saying that The Kid has never received money from a dude. However, I WORK, and I take great pride in not being the “handout ho.” Get it together. If your shit is so shaky that you can’t pay your own rent, then you need to take that time you’re spending dating and get a second gig.
4. “Are you cheating on me?”
My damie, my damie. More times than not, people (read: women) ask this question because there are other issues in the relationship. I’ve never quite understood the need to assault the extraneous issues, and ignore the thing that’s right there. If your issue with your man is that you’re not spending enough time, or he’s always working late or whatever, deal with THAT. Maybe he’s at work because he has to raise the money for your stupid down payment on your car? Or maybe, he just doesn’t think like that. Yes, lots of dudes cheat, but not ALL dudes. When that’s the first place you go every time things don’t go right, you’ve probably got some healing to do before you embark upon another relationship.
Now, you may ask yourself, “Why listen to this chick who can’t get a relationsihp to last longer than that show ‘Cop Rock’?” To you I can only say, don’t listen then. But keep in mind, I kind of happened to deal with the experts, so you could lend credence to that. Also, if you subscribe to the theory that even a broken clock is right twice a day, then you should at least give credence to two of my opinions.