Seriously Slippin’

I’m SOOO y’all.  I’ve been shamelessly both neglecting my blog, and not reading my friends’ blogs.  I would love to say that I’ve been so immersed in writing my book, I haven’t had the time, but I would be lying.  I have to strike the perfect balance when it comes to blogging.  Usually, when I’m not blogging at all (unless I’m REALLY on a roll) I’m not writing.  So, I have to get down with the blogging AND work out the writing.  I have some good stuff coming down the pike, but until then, I shall hit you with the random.

1.  I think the only thing to come of that “Kath & Kim” show,” is that it caused me to discover the song “Filthy Gorgeous” by the Scissor Sisters.  OMG, when I walk down the street, I swear that song plays in my head.  I have said several times and maintain, every good superhero has her own theme music.

2.  I’ve finally purchased and read Watchmen.  OH SHIT! It was phenomenal. The Jersey Dude formerly known as the Harlem Bon Vivant said that his boy says it can cure cancer and shit.  I’m not so sure his boy was off the mark.  I’m reading it a second time and I’m enjohying it even more so.  I know they’re changing the ending, but I’m hoping they don’t fuck it up.  YES.  I will be taking off to see it.  Who’s comin with me?  C’mon…who’s comin?

3.  Am I alone in believing the jokes that come with Wynona Ryder endorsing Alli write themselves?  I’m sure you’ve heard me talk about this drug more than once.  It’s a diet pill that makes you fart bacon and whatnot.  Doesn’t she do a lot of straining and grunting when she sings?  Just a thought.

4.  So, I bought a pack of 5 gum right.  You know it’s those old 1972 sticks?  Who still makes sticks of gum?  Who DOES that?  That’s cassette tapes and people that don’t do oral right?  WTF?  I can’t tell you how pissed I was.  This was some bull!

5.  To what level of hell am I going to for laughing at the Travis the chimp thing.  First, let me qualify this:  the woman fighting for her life is by no means a laughing matter.  The surrounding facts, however, are so insanely ludicrous, it BEGS one to laugh.  If a 200 lb chimp is loose in your party, don’t fucking call me.  Don’t write me.  Don’t send a carrier pigeon.  Don’t send a Morse code message.  I’m not coming.  Animal control exists for a reason.  It’s to control animals.  I have been laughing since I read about it. Check it:

  1. He’s a 200 lb chimp named Travis.  Every Travis I know got his ass whipped with impugnity.  That has to fuck with a monkey.
  2. “That [monkey] didn’t go crazy!  That [monkey] went [monkey]!” (c) Chris Rock
  3. Travis escaped the cage because he got his hands on the key.
  4. His 70 year old owner took baths with him, fed him filet mignon, she gave him wine in a stemmed glass, they “snuggled” in the bed with one another,he brushed her hair, and she allowed him to surf the internet.  Yall…she was fucking that monkey.
  5. In my mind, this all started with Travis saying, “Bitch!  Is this Heinz 57?!  I told your ass A1!”

I can’t help but wonder, what would Cesar Millan do?


2 responses to “Seriously Slippin’

  1. Breez…I SOOOO hate you for this one. “Yall…she was fucking that monkey.” ROTFLMFAO!!! Watchmen? I TOLDJA SO!!! Such a great story. I’m really hoping that don’t screw the pooch with the ending. At LEAST shoot an alternate ending for the dvd that stays true to the story. Funny post.

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