I saw my mouth in the dentist’s camera, and it looked like 25 years of getback. I wondered how long I was running around looking like Austin Powers.
For some reason, Lane Bryant makes their undies extra huge. I don’t wear panties that don’t fit. At all. Ever. But for some reason, and this is ONLY specific to undies from the big girl shop, my draws from them always look like car covers. WTF?
I took myself on a date last Friday, and I didn’t put out. There’s something sad there. Once I said, “Bitch, so you know how much I paid for those mussels,” I decided the tone had just become too hostile, so I went to bed.
I think I like to drive places because that means I don’t have to hold in my farts.
Strategic boob crack sweat is sexy. Like, say I’m on a lunch date in the heat of summer accompanied by some fine ass man with whom I share unbelievable sexual tension. Then, boob crack sweat is like the straw that broke the horny camel’s back. I have a male friend who once referred to it as a “compass.” Unfortunately, strategy is not my strong point. No. I always seem to get it in my boss’ office. Who happens to be male. And likes the peen. Nothing sexy about that.
After seeing “The Hangover,” I’m really hoping there was some CGI work done on that Asian guy’s penis. Because, really? External clitoris.
It’s hard for me to find a situation that good Chris Rock or Dave Chappelle quote wouldn’t enhance.
The remakes are killing me. Tron? Fucking Tron? Some shit really shouldn’t be touched. Have the geeks taken to the streets and begun setting themselves on fire yet?
If you have not yet done so, PLEASE go to YouTube and look up Meth & Red’s response to the Nas/Kelis child support fiasco. And after you do that, before you “weigh in” (because niggas love to weigh in on shit that doesn’t concern them in the least), go to vladtv.com and take a look at Star and Buc Wild’s response.
I’m sure there’s other stuff on my mind, but it’s almost 11.