To those of you who contributed blog post ideas. I will be writing them in the near future, and in the order that I received them. Feel free, however, to drop me a line if you have something that you’d like me to address. Or even if you want to say “fuck my couch.” Yeah…do that. That might make me smile.
But yesterday, I was just out of sorts. Not sad or lost. I’ve just been feeling like I’m outgrowing something – or everything. Sunday night I read an enjoyable book that ended so sadly, it kind of broke my heart. I think that’s part of the reason that I woke up a little blah this morning, because I was so hopeful for the ending. I didn’t need it to be happy, but at least holding the promise of possibility. That’s just not how the ball always bounces, I suppose.
Lately, letting go has been a part of my daily life. I’m doing it so often now, I scarcely knew what I was holding on to, or for, to begin with. I’m not talking about giving up entirely. I’m talking about giving up all this bullshit that just flat out hasn’t been working. I’m talking about taking a page from my muse B. Scott and saying “Bitch.Boo.Bye.” to the stress, to what’s draining me, to what’s making me question what my next move should be.
People like to talk about becoming more selfish as a reaction to allowing themselves to be torn down. I don’t plan to take that attitude. I am of the mind frame of being more self-preserving. The other day, I sat down and prayed for the first time in how long. It had been SO long that I was shocked by the fact that I couldn’t remember. However, I sat down and just started giving thanks for every single thing I could think of, without asking for anything. I’ve felt this negative energy in my spirit for so long, and I just felt like I needed to bring it all back and start, not quite from scratch, but from a place that makes sense to me. I’ve been of the belief that it’s important to take stock of your assets, because remembering the things that you HAVE, makes pining over what you don’t seem so fruitless.
I think I need to see my dad. Just because. I need to sit down, crack some crabs with him, and listen to him spit trivia that you don’t expect him to know (because probably NOBODY should know it). My dad and I have had our differences, and we’ve had our BATTLES (yes lord!), but he is THAT UNADULTERATED DOPE! He’ll start talking, and he’s got these thick ass Buddy Holly looking glasses, some sweatpants that may or may not be pulled damn near up to his chest, and of COURSE the fanny pack; yet in the midst of that, when you get past the comedy, you come to the realization that he’s blessing you with some REAL pimp knowledge. I guess I need to make a visit happen soon.