Me: Hi Wind, meet Caution! [Hurtles Caution headlong and with all my might.]
I’ve always been the girl that allows relationships to develop organically. There have been a few instances where chemistry was instant and I began dating a person almost off the bat, but that’s more of the exception. I’ve always lived by the “friends first” creed. At the end of the day, I want to like you if we’re ever broke. I want to like you during the times where your soldier doesn’t salute. I want to like you when your mother pisses me off. In turn, I would like to establish a rapport that would afford me these same opportunities.
In my past, I’ve dated and even fallen in love with a few friends. There’s a certain comfort that comes with a relationship like that, and I’m not so sure it can be duplicated with a person that you are sort of making yourself like. I won’t say that these situations all ended on an ugly note, but there is a certain ugliness that comes with “the end.” At that point, I gave up on dating good friends. The “friendship zone” exists for a reason, and I’m more ready to accept that. But now, I find myself in the foriegn position of actually having a problem getting a date.
So, somewhere around the middle of summer, I decided to join match.com. There’s that saying, “If you do what you always done, you get what you always got.” Keeping that in mind, I made the decision to take a proactive (I’ve always had issues with that word, because it sounds like made-up bandwagon-speak) approach to dating. You gotsta pose to be chose, right? There couldn’t be any harm in testing the waters and seeing what’s out there. Folks, “out there” sucks.
You ever walked into a party and as soon as you got there, you said, “This is not my scene.” That was me on Match. It felt like the Last Chance Highway of love – forced and jaded. The people were either too happy to be there, too snarky, or too persistent (read: belligerent – I saw you winks. I saw your emails. All of them. You’re already showing yourself to be a bugaboo and it’s only 48 hours.) The one brother who winked at me in my target range (I selected 31-42) was all sorts of the business that would catch my eye…if I lived in Akron. Brother, what am I gonna do with you in Akron?
Everyone else was much older, multiple marriages, smacked of desperation, unsure if they wanted children (how is this a match for me?)…you get the picture. It got to the point where I would heave a sigh when I saw my daily “matches.” What am I supposed to do with a 375 lb. Hawaiian man looking for his third wife? iCan’t. At the end of the day, I was putting myself in an environment that I wasn’t digging to, uh, meet someone that I would dig? Hmmm. So I had to let go of the notion of finding a match — at least through Match. I’ve had friends recommend other sites: blackpeoplemeet.com, eharmony.com, even onlinebootycall.com, but at the end, I’m still online with the specific purpose of looking for a date, and there’s something about that that just doesn’t jibe with me. So, I guess the big question is, what now?
Nothing. Not really. I live near Washington, DC. Why do I have to go online to meet BLACK PEOPLE? I don’t want to be electronically harmonious with you. I definitely don’t want someone to call for my booty online.* I want…hmmm…
I want a brother so smart, I have to look up the stuff he talks about.
I want a brother so steady, I can set my watch by him.
I want a brother so delicious, I lick my fingers after I’ve finished holding hands with him.
I want a brother that takes his mama to lunch and his daddy to football games.
I want a brother that enjoys my mind and gives consideration to my opinions.
I want a brother who knows how to tell me to check my mouth (because anything can be done when it’s done properly).
I want a man who finds me sexy.
I want a man who can tell me when I need to improve.
I want a brother to communicate when times are rough.
I want a brother that will see my family as his family.
I want a brother that likes, respects and appreciates the man that he is.
I want a brother with the capacity to visualize the man he will be.
I want a brother as wondrous as he is flawed.
I want a brother to think that none of the above is crazy, unreasonable or unfathomable.
That shouldn’t be too hard.
* I hear tell that Online Booty Call is attempting to morph into a legitimate dating site. That’s all well and good, but you are the company you keep. I’m not going to the crack house to look for a solid brother; I’m not going to OBC to look for the type of person I would be interested in dating.