Live and Direct from the Crescent City


6:10 – I’m watching the Saints’ Homecoming Parade on ESPN News.  They were playing that “I Believe” song, which I never liked because I always found it a bit underachieving.  “The Saints are going to the playoffs.”  Back in the days that we didn’t even dare to dream of the Super Bowl.  Oh yes…those days are SO no more.  I still get misty thinking about that.  Angela Hill looks good grey, and Dennis Woltering (sp.) seem like he hasn’t changed since pre-Katrina.  New Orleans has one of the BEST news teams ever.

6:20 – NOPD is bulldozing through the crowd.  I want to say something bad about them, but some of mah folks are NOPD, soooo…yeah…Cliff says the street is in total gridlock. Usually I’d be upset, but i LOVE this.  Bourbon Street looks exactly as it should.  It’s good to see Old Man Benson so happy.  Watching the Mighty Mighty Roneagles, and Eaglettes, marching now.  My father and two of my sisters PROUDLY rep the Burgundy & Gold.  This was once the premier African American public school in the city.  It has reopened since Katrina and I’m excited to see a new generation proudly wear those colors again.

6:30 – The beads and confetti are in full effect!  Knowing how much energy my city has on a normal day, it’s exciting for us to be in a spotlight for something about us!  Drew is throwing beads.  You’ve gotta love this guy.  I’ve never spoken to someone who’s encountered him who had a negative thing to say about the guy.  Are they really giving a weather report?  And “Lost” commercials?  Don’t nobody want to see that dry ass shit.  Even though they have the most yummy Asianish dude.  He used to be on Angel.  Mmmmm…dreamy.

6:40 – Warren Easton High School.  I know a lot of folks who went there.  I never figured out why.  When one New Orleanian asks another New Orleanian where you went to school, they mean high school.  Yes.  High School is as important as college.  Good to know the big girls are still swinging the flags.  Is that tradition everywhere?  The thinner girls are cheerleaders, but the big girls that know how to GET IT are on the flag team.  And now, it is time for the Marching 100.  The Purple & Gold.  ST. AUGUSTINE.  The boys were always rumored to be better looking than they actually were.  Their band, however, has ALWAYS been spectacular.  They are not disappointing.  My brother just informed me that Super Bowl 44 was not only the most watched TV show in American history, but also CANADIAN history.  GLORIOUS!  Everyone was waiting for St. Aug to play that Ying Yang, and being crowd pleasers, they’re doing the damn thing.  Am I the only one who thinks Anthony Hargrove looks like he’ll punch you in the mouth and go eat a sandwich right after?  The Saints are like kids at Christmas.  We love them because they love us.  The game is like the third party.  It’s truly a bond.

6:50 – Football and basketball players are so funny.  When you see a bunch of players on the field or the court, you see them amongst a bunch of big dudes, so you just think, “Ah well.  That’s normal.”  Then you see them standing alone and you think, “This dude is big as fuck.”  FINALLY Orleans and Jefferson parishes can agree on something.  They split the cost on this parade.  Now it will take another 44 years and an act of divine intervention.  Darren Sharper is my fiancee, but Pierre Thomas is such a baby faced cutie pie…and a BEAST on the field.  This Captain Morgan commercial with the owl is HILARIOUS!  I also have a weird relationship with Quizno’s commercials.  Their tea smells weird, yet tastes good, but I digress.  NO New Orleanian underestimates a Manning.  I love seeing old timers excited about something they thought they’d NEVER see.

7:00 – MY BOO DARREN!!!! I’m sure he’s drunk.  I will be VERY  surprised if he’s not back next season.  Good lord those dimples.  I think this lady is trying to flirt with my boo, because she kept asking him the same question.  Don’t get cut Miss Lady.  They brought out the Budweiser Clydesdales.   This makes every year of fandom worth it.  Brother Martin ROTC is coming through.  Yeah.  YAWN.  It’s like a mathematician showing up at a house party and pulling out his calculator.  We love our folks so much, they would have had this parade whether we won or lost.  That’s how we roll.  Again, the game is the third party.  An important third party, but I’m sure that if the Saints decided that they wanted to become a cricket team, there’d be a run on black and gold bowling machines.  Belee dat.

7:10 – You will not see ANY other party like a New Orleans party, and Drew know that.  If it sounds like I have a total fan crush, I do.  He’s one of the few celebs that I would stop and bother if I saw them on the street.  (Side Note: Paul Mooney is not on that list. I saw him in Harlem once, and he looked like he was gonna cut me.)  I think it still hasn’t hit him – or most of us – that we’re the champs.  The Saints have a ring and a Lombardi trophy.  Whoda thunk?  Oh Jesus…the Ying Yang Twins are gonna perform.  I wonder if Gert Town is gonna show out.  By the way, I think Scott Fujita is one of the silent heroes of the Saints.  That dude gets the job done.  I hear old C. Ray in the background.  I wonder what he’s gonna do with himself.  JAMES CARVILLE.   He just strikes me as such a badass.  Like, if you tell him something crazy, he’ll give you that fatherly biting of the bottom lip and say, “Wha…say what nah?”  Vicious backhands would ensue.  My city is going to be on the rise yall.  Watch.

7:20 – These Captain Morgan commercials are hilarious.  The cute lil baby is saying Who Dat.  I luh da kids.  Walter Cohen, Mystikal’s alma mater, is marching now.  (See, stick with Bee Jack and you get a history lesson!)  Hartley is in the Muses’ float, which is a high heel.  How apropos.  I’m sure he and Porter have the most drained nuts ever.  I doubt the Saints will ever have to pay for anything in New Orleans again, ever.  Real talk.  This is the third or fourth time I’ve heard this Ying Yang song.  Over it.  Much respect to the Marine Corps.  I’m not in the habit of talking shit about the military.  They do what most won’t.

7:30 – Irvin Mayfield is playing the Star Spangled Banner.  I would have preferred my high school (also the Black & Gold!) homie Kenyatta Beasley, who is doing great shit in the music world, play it.  Next Super Bowl KB.  Wait, seriously?  The Marine Corp played Ying Yang now?  LMAO!  I’m over the song, but that part was funny.  Nike puppets commercials, pretty amusing.  I’m watching the whitest little white baby in America singing Ying Yang.  I can’t stop thinking that they sang “skeet skeet skeet.”  Angela hill, are you botoxing it?  Say it ain’t so.  I always thought she was a classy broad.  That was just an aside.  Botox doesn’t make her unclassy.  Payton is holding the Lombardi.  He’s so excited, and he’s earned it.

7:40 – What is the name of that song they always play at football games?  The one with the drum beat where you periodically yell?  I don’t know why it gets me so amped, but it does.  The Endemion float is finally making it to Gallier Hall.  All the Saints bigwigs are there.

7: 50 – Angela Hill is so overwhelmed, she’s forgetting to report.  She’s standing there in awe watching.  I can’t blame her.  She’s New Orleans to the core too.  If you don’t know her, you should.  Just threw some beads to old Cee Ray and his slick ass.  Bobby Jindal looks like the Crypt Keeper.  They can’t even hear Nagin over the crowd and he’s got a mic.  Mary Landrieu, we can’t hear you on a regular day, so we definitely can’t hear you now.  I’ve never seen a more soft spoken chick that would probably hand you your ass.  This camera must be right next to a speaker.  Not the one next to those SPEAKING.  It’s all good.  I’m gonna take some SoCo and lime shots.  He’s getting all sorts of keys to the city and whatnot.  It’s a madhouse!  I hope Ebony is watching so she can witness the Benson Boogie in action!  I never wanted to be in a band or any sort of marching organization, because that shit takes place rain, sleet, hail, snow.  They do not play about their parades in New Orleans.  They will really be on some “Bitch betta have my Endymion.”

8:00 – I love seeing priests at parades. I’m not sure why.  It just tickles me.  Dennis Woltering is getting CRUNK.  I don’t think Payton has put that Lombardi trophy down yet.  I know his right shoulder is sore as a mug.  ESPN, yes, I know you’ve never seen anything like it.  If you want to party, if you want to celebrate ANYTHING – a birthday, a bar mitzvah, a bat mitzvah, a baby shower, losing your first tooth, your bow legged uncle winning a pie eating contest, growing a third tittay, it matters not – bring it to New Orleans baby.  We’ll do you right!

Gonna go celebrate being the 13th man.


6 responses to “Live and Direct from the Crescent City

  1. LMAO @ “NO New Orleanian underestimates a Manning.” My cousin from Chi-town called right after that Manning pick, and said, “y’all finally got y’all one, eh?” I told him, “shaddup! That’s Peyton Manning.”, and hung up in his face. When he marched them done the field w/3 min left, I was STILL a little worried. I still have love for Peyton; he’s the captain of my second-favorite team. I’m glad that I lived to witness this. WE DAT!!!

    • And let me tell you, there’s no way I feel comfortable with Peyton Manning having 3 minutes left ever. I don’t care if the score was 53-2 (yes, they only have a safety), I don’t sleep. He’s surgical with the ball. It was definitely the two best teams going for it, and I LOVED it.

  2. As always, you hit the nail on the head. The pure LOVE that city has for the Saints is something even beyond the love that Green Bay has for the Packers, or even (yes, I’ll say it) Montreal has for the Canadiens, which I REALLY didn’t think was possible considering the Canadiens have as many championships as the Yankees, and the people of Green Bay OWN the Packers. Literally. They’re the only publicly traded sports franchise in the United States, I believe.

  3. Crap, I had more to say but I hit “Submit”. They SO deserve this. You know, some cynics say this was just a game. It won’t build houses or put $$ in people’s pockets. I dunno, in THIS city, I think it will.

    Either way, Lombardi Gras, which probably won’t “end” until MARCH, may be the greatest party of the 21st Century.


    Oh, btw, did anyone catch Sean Payton’s line on the podium immediately after the win, right before handing the mic to Drew Brees?

    “Now, here’s the REAL regular season and Super Bowl MVP.”

  4. “We love our folks so much, they would have had this parade whether we won or lost. That’s how we roll. ”

    It was reported that the Colts were greeted at the airport when they returned home by……drumroll please…..11 fans. SMDH. I LOVES the Saints.

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