1. I do not schedule the first date. If a dude digs me, he’s got a maximum of four days to close the deal by inviting me on an outing. It doesn’t have to be expensive, but I believe it is important to see how you treat service people, if you open the door for old ladies, and/or if you are a flagrant ass and boobie watcher. If there is no invitation in the alloted time, then he’s filtered out. We can still be cool, but the only things that I know of that hang on without purpose are barnacles. I’ll pass.
2. The last thing I say is the last word of an argument. Call it a character flaw, but I don’t feel the need to physically say the very last thing (except when it’s my kids – they better shut up when I’m talking). When I believe I have stated my point thoroughly, I don’t feel the need to go at a person with the back and forth. I change the channel.
3. I will be forever fly. I don’t believe in “I’m losing weight, so I won’t buy clothes until…” That’s the silliest thing in the world to me. There’s nothing encouraging about a weight loss journey, if you look like a shapeless frump blob in your clothes. You don’t have to break the bank, but I firmly believe that one’s situation should be moisturized and their sexy preserved (thank you Diddy) at all times.
4. There’s always a place for humility. I don’t believe that one has to be a boot licking yes man/woman, but there is nothing more irritating and boring than excessive arrogance. From my perspective, it seems that you are trying to convince someone, be it onlookers or yourself, and it just comes off as desperate. As India Arie says, “There ain’t no substitute for the truth. Either it is or it isn’t.” There’s nothing cute or appealing about chronic assholism.
5. Music is everything. Unless a person has deep psychological issues, it is virtually impossible to find a person who does not like music. Have you noticed the question is always, “What type of music do you like?” and never “Do you like music?” It’s like food. It’s just a matter of finding that person’s preference. You can praise God, fight the power, and thrash, all through this one medium. Not too many things that are not scientifically “life sustaining” have such universal appeal.
Speaking of “Universal Appeal” (and because I can)”
You loved it.
6. I am everything that I am. I’m not “a black woman first, and a mother second…” and all that other foolishness. My blackness doesn’t overtake my responsibilities as a mother. My femaleness doesn’t overtake my blackness. Sure, being so many things sometimes causes clashing interests, but that’s part of the grown up world. I put on my big girl panties and deal with it.
7. Shea butter is everything after music. This east coast living turned me dry as dust, and I couldn’t use regular lotion anymore. Of course, I learned that natural oils were better for the skin anyway, so it’s a win, but damn. If I don’t have shea butter, I’m not leaving the house. Non-negotiable.
8. I do not air dirty laundry. This is one I had to grow on. There’s nothing attractive about putting your drama in the streets. My baby daddy and I have not had some epiphany where things “work” for us. He still does shit that chaps my ass, but it’s nobody’s business but mine. If my kids ever happen upon my blog, I don’t want it to be filled with venom about their father, or really anyone else. I handle my beef person to person now, not on the net.
9. Change is good. Following the same routine since time immemorial can cause life to lose its luster. There’s nothing wrong with shaking it up a little bit. I’m not saying I’m planning to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro (yet), but little tweaks to the norm can keep this life thing fresh enough to be interested in what the next day will bring.
10. Have a good time. Not everything has to be taken so damn seriously. Enjoy your life. Tell a joke. Let some bullshit slide from time to time. Walk around your house/room/bathroom naked for about an hour, and just ponder life. There’s a lot that is still here for us to enjoy.