For now he knew what Shalimar knew: If you surrendered to the air, you could ride it.
– Toni Morrison Song of Solomon
If I’ve sounded frightened and apprehensive recently, it’s because I am. Currently, I’m in the process of believing in myself. REALLY believing in myself. Going through so much in 2010, up until the VERY end, was unbelievably difficult. I loved, lost and had a near tragic experience with my own life. I realized that time is not going backward, and if I am going to make something of myself, the time is NOW. I was forced to take the past two weeks to slough off my past, and I realize that flying backward is fruitless. All of my failures and frailties shaped me into who I am presently: an ever evolving being.
There are things that could have been done differently, they weren’t, and I will never be able to change that. For those I hurt in the process of my growth, I am sorry. Unfortunately, life is not so cut and dry where I can promise that I would have done things differently, and things would have ended up for the better. There are things I did as an immature person that I would never imagine doing now. I can only start from here.
And where is “here?” Here is where I don’t owe any human being a damn thing. I have given every bit of time, every explanation and every apology I plan on issuing out for past mistakes. Every i has been dotted, t crossed and chapter closed. I refuse to back pedal into the realm of dead issues because someone else is uncomfortable, uptight or angry about things that can not be changed. I don’t remember ever feeling so light.
I’m surrendering to the air.