Precipice

Some people are born with the keys to the kingdom.  Their lives are replete with wheels and cogs that move with laser-like precision.  They’re always in the right place at the right time, and seem to blow up for little more than the uncomplicated act of being. This isn’t to diminish their work or effort, because quite often, these people are loaded with drive, talent or an unstoppable combination of both.  I marvel at them.

I know nothing about that life.  While in the midst of a conversation with a dear friend, she shared with me that such a life is foreign to her as well.  Just as there are those who seem to be charmed.  There are others who exist in a world where they perpetually grind it out, dragon chasing as it were.  This is the life that I know, as does my friend.  I’d be dishonest if I were to say there weren’t some breaks along the way, but they often come with a weighty back story.  It’s not that they aren’t appreciated, because they are.  I give thanks for my blessings every day.  But the accompanying struggle can still wear at the spirit.

It is said that when your will is at its weakest, and you feel that you can’t go another step, your breakthrough is right around the corner.  I’ve lived that.  I know what it’s like to put my kids to bed, lock the bathroom door and cry because I don’t know what the next move might be, only to receive the thing that I need to push me a little further.  Sometimes the “thing” is tangible, other times spiritual or existential; it’s always welcome.  For years I’ve been fueled by the adrenaline of promise.  The high of what will be is what launches a thousand beautiful beginnings: spiritual, secular, and yes romantic.

As my friend so eloquently put it, “I’m just tired of being on the edge of good things.” I see a soul just as weary as I, a true kindred spirit.  She speaks of cracking under the weight of the struggle, yet I see her as being stronger than she even imagines.  I see a person who, despite whatever may be going on around her, pulls determination out of her butt and creates magic.  But everybody has their point where they need an extra push, and that is today’s reality.  The struggle makes for good stories, but there is an urgent need for results.

Every morning, I quote my favorite line from the Chili Peppers’ “Scar Tissue,”  “I’ll make it to the moon if I have to crawl.”  It reminds me that I’m not there yet, and speaks solely to my determination to get there.  I wear my battle scars like badges, and I don’t mind putting in the grunt work.  I’m not an ingrate.  I simply want my patch of earth and sky to make my mark.  There’s a hunger that promise can’t satiate.  After looming over the chasm of the almost and the unknown, I crave my destiny.  I’m jumping.

God, I’ve built my wings.  Please bless me with the wind to soar.

Amen.

Advertisements

7 responses to “Precipice

  1. Excellent as always 🙂 Your writing is so fluid and full of feeling.

    I can certainly concur with the “just around the corner/ over the hill/tomorrow- ness” feeling that accompanies your particular brand of greatness. Your wind is coming, I believe it sincerely 🙂

  2. I’m sorry. I live the charmed life, and can’t relate to this…uh…what was it that you called it? “Struggle”? Yeah…I don’t know ANYTHING about that isht.

    LOL. Now…back to reality.

    Some people are born with the keys to the kingdom. Their lives are replete with wheels and cogs that move with laser-like precision. They’re always in the right place at the right time, and seem to blow up for little more than the uncomplicated act of being. This isn’t to diminish their work or effort, because quite often, these people are loaded with drive, talent or an unstoppable combination of both. I marvel at them.

    ^^^ so you’ve met my friend, Kafele? It used to bother me that the sun ALWAYS found a way to shine on some peoples’ hindparts incessantly. But I too have experienced the waiting through pain to receive a blessing. Though I wouldn’t wish those lean times on ANYONE, I know that they’ve been the fires that have forged me into the modern-day marvel of sophistication and humility before you. Similarly, I’m glad that that which didn’t break you made you AWESOME-ER!

  3. I love this piece as well as I’ve been living that seems like it’s just out of reach/more lean times than not feeling for quite awhile now. I also have those days of it seems like I’m going to be stuck in the same rut and want to give up. It’s good to have the way I feel put into the words I can’t seem to find. I will definitely be referring to this when I need that extra boost to continue on.

Discuss Amongst Yahselves!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s