There are people that you meet who meld into your life seamlessly. I’ve only lived in Maryland for five years, and the friends I’ve made here, it’s hard to remember a life where they weren’t here. I have those strange flashes of memories in New Orleans where I think, “Why wasn’t X with me? Oh…that’s right!” I’m a fierce friend. The term is virtually synonymous with family, and my heart is like the mob: Once you’re in, you’re IN! Even when my friends and I aren’t hanging so tough, I still love them dearly. I still want them to be okay and happy.
But conversely, when you’re out, you’re out. I’m a very sentimental person, so it takes a lot for me to decide that you no longer belong. There are people with whom I share a connection that no one will ever understand. I have exes and past lovers for whom I’d lay down in front of a speeding train and they have proven that they would do the same for me without hesitation. So when I decide there is no more space for you that decision, however rare, is final. And just as my friends seem to have always been there (I’ve made new family, and I feel like I’ve known them for YEARS), those outside seem to have hardly been here at all. “X was there, Y was there and…___? Word? We were still talking? Wow.”
The other day, I was asked about a person with whom I severed ties. My response was that I had no idea, which was not strange, but I also did not feel the slightest twinge of interest to gain an idea. Not talking to them feels probably five times longer than actuality. It dawned on me that based on their attitude, they’d NEVER have a place in my life again. It was such an odd realization. I don’t feel happy or sad. I don’t wish them joy or pain. I just find it unfortunate that they chose to make themselves obsolete.
How do you cope with ended friendships?