The sads creep up on me so slowly. I’m constantly moving, so I always think at first, “Well, I’m just exhausted.” Then the weekend comes, and I can’t get out of bed. “Wow, I was more tired than I thought.” I promise my kids to do all the things we had to put off the following day. I can only hope that then I have the energy to get out of bed.
I don’t talk much about depression, because it’s something that I’ve coped with off and on. Most times, I’d just ride it out, until the feeling passed. It always did. This past year, though I pulled myself together to do some things, it took Herculean effort. I finally saw someone, and started on the course to mental wellness. I don’t see my depression as a liability, because I have a good enough support system to check on me and address when I’m not myself. My younger sister is phenomenal about getting me to pause and address my health, be it physical or mental.
My coping mechanism is, and always has been, humor. When I’m blue or emotionally burdened, I find that my humor, though always possessing a bit of bite, is a little more caustic than normal. Sometimes it’s related to one thing; other times it’s related to everything. I just happened to pick up that trait recently, so I’m trying to head it off at the pass.
The saying goes, “Hurt people, hurt people.” I’m not exempt from this. I just feel a little too pointed lately. I’m on the edge, ready to pounce on anyone getting out of line. I’m not trying to not be myself – I was created to check a fool that wants to test. I just need to employ a bit more live and let live in my life. I’m gonna do one of my meditations tonight, and get my mind right.