“Love is most successful where there exists both the freedom to be who you are, and a willingness to temper it.”
– Beauty Jackson (Yeah. I know things.)
You probably don’t want to talk to me about rules. I see a lot of grey areas. Looking at, and at least attempting to understand both sides of things is a habit of mine. One of the biggest things people try to control, is the thing over which we have little to no control: love.
Love is not completely devoid of effort, but natural attraction is a large part of it. There’s something about that person that stands out and makes us want to learn more. We let them get away with things that most people can’t, because the whole of them is greater than their faults. Love is that thing that other people can neither understand, nor get between. Love seals the cracks.
Conventional wisdom would have us make rules for something that is at its best when it’s organic. I feel best loved and most content when I am allowed to be who I am. When I am enjoyed, it makes me want to bring joy. I’m more willing to rein it in when I’m not boxed in. I willingly offer that to my partner as well. Being in a relationship with someone who is comfortable with themselves is of the utmost importance. That can’t happen if they are rigidly following arbitrary rules that I set up.
Of course, we’re human, and we each have boundaries in place to cordon off our most vulnerable parts. When love is earnest, our loved ones take the time to be considerate of those vulnerabilities. I also believe that it is very important to love people in the way you are allowed to love them. It’s important that we show love to them by being open about our heart’s needs, and be receptive to hearing theirs. It is equally important that we show love for the bond we share with that person, and honestly assess how love should proceed. Not every loved one can, will or should become a lover.
You can’t control people. At best, you can hope that the love and regard they feel for you will aid them in controlling themselves. Additionally, be honest and realize that mistakes don’t automatically make someone a bad person. We all fall short daily. If what you have built is greater than the hurt, then progress from there. It doesn’t make you weak. In fact, quite the opposite. Overcoming obstacles makes you stronger.
Bearing that in mind, I gave up rules a long time ago. All except one: If you want to love me, then be loving toward me. I have faith that everything else will fall into place as it should.