People like to say, “Living well is the best revenge.” Maybe that works for them. I happen to make a practice of avoiding people obsessed with revenge. It is one of the most toxic compulsions known to man. Revenge, when examined, is an obsession to prove yourself to those who may never see the good in you in the first place. Revenge, is a time suck. Any time not spent on building and progression is time wasted. Whenever I ponder over “folks who done me wrong” it’s time that I’ve stolen from more important matters.
Back in the days of Mental Oasis, I was so damned hurt and angry, vicious words toward those who hurt me flew from my phalanges with such ease, they were my fingerprints. The ex-husband was roasted regularly, as was any other wrongdoer. They NEEDED to be exposed. See, I was seeking validation and vindication. I had to prove that I was better than the way I had been treated, and someday they would all see my value. I had allowed my melancholy and hurt to dominate a place labeled an “oasis.” Where they do that at?
So a scrapped that blog, though you can still read some good stuff in the archives (I can’t believe I’ve been blogging for almost seven years), and created this space. But I almost fell into the same traps. I had to reaffirm something my mother taught me long ago: “Don’t waste your time pining over people and things that wouldn’t spend their time on you.” There may be allusions to certain situations or treacherous acts, but I try to keep the people and details to a minimum.* I just don’t see the need in letting “my haters be my motivators.”
My chocolate wonders not having to constantly go without. The idea of my father, who worked two jobs to support five kids at times, paying off his mortgage early. Being able to help my mother’s only surviving immediate family member. Helping build up marginalized people who have heard “you can’t” so often, that it’s as natural as oxygen. Hell, a bomb ass stand-alone shower. THESE are my motivators. Haters don’t even rank.
And for those who haven’t been so nice to me, all the best. May you heal from whatever hurt motivated your ugliness toward me. Granted, there are some things that simply can’t be undone, so I may never consider some of those folks “friends” again, but I will never wish them ill. At the very worst, there are some people, I just won’t think of at all. I think that’s okay, because I don’t plan to serve revenge.
However, I would be remiss if I neglected to add that I’m a born and bred hot girl, so I definitely plan to serve it.
_______*An exception was made for my posts during Domestic Violence Awareness Month: Aware Pt. 1 and Aware Pt. 2. Domestic violence has been a passionate cause of mine since I was 14 years old. I felt it important for everyone to realize that abuse could happen to anyone. It is not something that only befalls the “weak” and the fatherless.